


Silver in Their Hair

by roguefaerie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Expecting Punishment, Flash Fic, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Retirement, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28098165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguefaerie/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Bucky thought he was past all this. He expects Steve to be angry. To punish him. In the end, Steve is Steve.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20
Collections: Writing Rainbow Silver





	Silver in Their Hair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cat2000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat2000/gifts).



Bucky is scared.

There’s the panic attack that’s happening, and all the body memories that are fueling it. But more than that--or at least in addition--in the back of his mind he can still process that Steve might be angry that here they are, two men with silver in their hair and this is a thing that still happens.

It’s still happening. Right now.

And it’s misery, thinking he should be over this, that Steve will hate this, that Steve will hate him.

He would know it wasn’t true if he could calm down but he can’t calm down.

He thought this was over but it’ll never be over.

It’ll never be over.

He’s never going to be free.

Here he is, here they are, two super soldiers in their golden years and still. Still.

This is his reality and it’s never going to stop.

* * *

And then. Suddenly. Steve is in the room with him. Steve is making the face he makes when he wants to get his arms around Bucky but it doesn’t make sense. The panic doesn’t make sense and the idea that there’ll ever be anything else--sometimes it makes sense, but not now.

Steve doesn’t encircle Bucky, though. He stands back a bit and just talks.

“It’s okay.”

Steve knows. The panic attack isn’t even visible to anyone else, Bucky knows that, but of course Steve knows he’s having one.

“It’s going to stop, Bucky,” Steve says, “And I’ll be right here.”

* * *

And it does, because Steve’s there, of course Steve’s there. They retired long ago and they don’t see half as many people as they used to. If you can retire in Brooklyn, they’ve done it. It seems like they’ve done it over and over again, like just talking about it keeps them sane after all they’ve been and done.

They’ll plan their retirement a thousand times if they have to, if it works.

They’re still in Brooklyn but sometimes they think about cabins in the middle of nowhere, too.

Sometimes.

* * *

“I’m right here,” Steve says, “And it’ll be over soon. It’ll be over soon. I promise. And when it is, when it feels safe, I’ll hold you again. Okay?”

And that’s when Bucky lets it register in the back of his head that he’s not going to be in trouble. He’s not going to be shamed.

Not by Steve.

Of course not by Steve.

* * *

That’s the beginning of the end for the panic attack, though it still goes on (and on) (and on) (and on) and on for a while after that, but Bucky is able to remember that Steve means him no harm.

Steve is _Steve_ and Bucky tries to remember that he’s Bucky and not some kind of monster.

And it works, after a while.

Bucky lets out a breath, finally, and it’s over.

And Steve notices. Of course he knows.

“You okay?”

“Tired.”

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Hey. Can I?”

“‘Course.”

And then he's in Steve's arms.

Steve smiles. “Better. Were you worried? About me?”

“Huh?”

“Just, I saw it. A little bit, on your face. But hey.” Steve encircles Bucky, just lightly, not too tight. “Things happen. Even now, and it's okay. I gotcha.”

Bucky lets out another breath and accepts it, accepts Steve, that he’s here. Of course. “Yeah.” He pauses. “You do.”


End file.
